Peering into thick darkness he decides to drop the torch he is carrying to better see the place he is about to enter. A few moments later the room is lit by the crude flashlight. Sallah squints his eyes hard as he stares into the chamber and says, "Indy... why is the floor moving?"
With a shudder, Indy groans and says, "Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes? I HATE snakes."
Well, I hate rats.
Honest to goodness, give me a snake any day over a rat. Why? Because snakes are relatively clean whereas rats are filthy! And they have fleas. What's so bad about fleas, you ask? Two words - bubonic plague.
And if you leave snakes alone, chances are they'll leave you alone. Not so with rats. Those things'll creep on you. And nibble on you. Ask my wife. She came from very humble origins. Their house used to be right in fron of an open sewer. At night rats would crawl in from the sewer into their house. And nibble on some of them.
And I'm not talking cute little lab-sized rats here friends, I'm talking rats the size of cats. Heck, even the cats would run away from 'em.
Ugghhhh...just having that mental image go through my brain while writing about makes me....UUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!
I hate rats so much it made me do the unthinkable! It made me, dare I say it?, not like the Pixar movie "Ratatouille". I mean, everything was fine until....until...that scene where the crazed grandma is shooting into the ceiling and brings down the whole rat colony hiding inside it.
Or, how about that scene where Remy, the rat-hero, has all his rat family 'n' friends take over the kitchen..... Ewwww.......!
I felt so bad while watching that movie because I wanted so much to love it just as much as I had loved its Pixar-Brad Bird predecessor, "The Incredibles" and Bird's other film, "The Iron Giant"!
Alas, I could not. Because of those blasted rats!
Now, you may be wondering what I'm doing ranting about rats at midnight. Well, there's really a fairly simple explanation - I found out today, on my very first day at my new pastorate, that the one thing that comes with my new office space is...rats.
As in cat-sized rats...suddenly scampering across the floor form some underground hole they'd already dug sometime ago. I haven't seen any of them today, you see. But I've been told that it's not a matter of "if" I see them but "when".
Already the horror stories abounded - apparently, one time during Friday night youth service, one of those nasty critters scampered across the church hall, through the roomful of church youth. As Joseph put it so eloquently one time in a tweet - all the boys discovered their feminine side.
Or how about the doozy of a time when one rat just jumped out of one of the upright AC units during another fellowship time, scaring one young lady sheet-white.
And, of course, there was that other time during Sunday worship service that a rat scampered up into the ceiling just behind the drummer's area.
Not good.
Nooooooooooooooooooot good.
And so I am now on a hunt. A rat hunt. Check that: on a hunt for rats.
Well, not me personally. Our kindly maintenance man, mang Nilo is, vicariously. On my behalf. I had him inspect all the possible rat-entrances and told him to request a ton of quick-dry cement to plug all those holes up.
I will also be requesting a 10,000 volt perimeter fence dug and built around my office space. Hah! Let's see those critters make their way into that one.
Of course, the youth and the other church members may have trouble coming in to see me, say for counseling or whatever. But what does it matter? I must be rid of those rats.
Otherwise, I may not be able to function well as a pastor. I mean, we Pentecostals can face any demon, stare them down and cast them out in His Name!
But you can't cast out rats.
Of all the things in the world that could'a come with this new gig.. why'd it hafta be rats?
I hate rats. 
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